I am an anxious person. I’ve worked with therapists. I’ve considered medication.
I fixate on negative thoughts that spiral out of control in my head… house fires, car crashes, death of loved ones, infertility…
The anxiety about that last one is what brings me to the blog today, to discuss how a bracelet helped me reprogram my brain to stop thinking negative thoughts and worries about infertility. I’m getting married in less than two months and we are planning to do the whole baby thing at some point in the future. But my brain betrays me, asking, “What if you can’t have kids? What if you have a miscarriage? What if something’s wrong with the baby? What if you never ever have a baby?”
Shut up, brain. You are kind of an asshole.
My solution was to go onto Etsy.com and find a fertility charm. A small token to wear around my neck to remind me every day that I should stay positive. I ended up selecting an amethyst bracelet, which has been a truly genius solution.
Firstly, I seriously hate bracelets. Bracelets, watches, fitness trackers – if it’s on my wrist, it’s driving me batty. This ensures that I notice this bracelet all day long. When it digs into my wrist if I rest my arm on the desktop, I notice it as I readjust it.
Second, I am a person who fidgets with things. I stretch it, remove it, feel the difference between the stone beads, and absentmindedly poke and prod it throughout the day. Each time, I remember to stay positive.
Third, once I get used to wearing a piece of jewelry, I notice it when it’s not on. When I take my engagement ring off to work in the garden or do the dishes, I flip out when I inevitably run my thumb across my ring finger and realize there’s no band there. Same with the bracelet. I now notice it even when it’s not there.
All day long, I’m noticing the bracelet:
- when i put it on
- when i see it from the corner of my eye
- when i touch it
- when other people comment on it
- when i fidget with it
- when i take it off
- when i forgot to wear it
- when my brain starts saying those horrible things about how i might not be able to have a baby
And every time I notice the bracelet, I say a small affirmation: “My body knows how to conceive a healthy baby.” The end. I don’t go through every worry or concern, I just say or think “My body knows how to conceive a healthy baby” and move on. Maybe it will happen as soon as we start trying, maybe it will take a few months or longer, maybe we will need to see doctors to help. But my body knows how. It will happen.
And that’s the story of why I wear a bracelet every day, even though I hate bracelets.