self care
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Tiny Ways My Life Has Changed During COVID-19 Isolation
Obviously, big things are happening right now. We’re in the midst of a global health crisis. People are scared. Lives have changed in big ways, but they’ve also changed in small ways. Sometimes the small things feel weirder than the big things. I’m now in my third week of working from home full time. I… Read more
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The 9 Books That Defined My 2019
Part of being a good writer is being a good reader After what can only be described as voracious reading of fiction and fantasy as a child, I lost reading for pleasure as an adult and switched only to “productive” reading. Self help. Motivation. Business building. Personal development. After several years, I let myself read… Read more
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Practicing Boundaries After Trauma
Boundaries take practice, especially when you have a history of trauma. Being a survivor of abuse can make the inner alarm bells malfunction — they either don’t go off at all because mistreatment has been normalized, or they go off at the slightest whiff of something that reminds you of a past traumatic experience. This… Read more
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Find your shortcuts to healthier boundaries and love
A couple weeks ago I attended a queer geek convention in Cleveland in its second year – Flaming River Con. On a complete whim, I messaged the admins of the con on Facebook with a week to go before the event and offered to host a workshop on figuring out how to communicate your boundaries… Read more
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Why you need to go to therapy, and why you probably can’t
In theory, every single person would benefit from regular therapy. Just like you get an annual physical to check your blood work for issues you can’t see, like cholesterol, blood sugar, inflammation, and more, a regular check-in with a therapist can help you maintain healthy levels of psychological self care. When I meet with my… Read more
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A breakup doesn’t mean you failed
When you’re deeply committed to someone, the end of that relationship can be devastating. Whether it’s a romantic relationship, friendship, or even removing a family member from your life — breaking up is hard. But it doesn’t mean you’ve failed at anything. I reject the notion that a relationship that doesn’t last a lifetime is… Read more
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How to ask for the love you need
I recently did something that I thought would be silly, or selfish, or outlandish. I wrote a manual on how to love me. It gives the basics about me and my background, includes a list of my favorite things, discusses how to best communicate with me, describes how I interact within each of the five… Read more
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The healing power of non-monogamy
In March 2018 I left an abusive marriage and entered into a new phase of life: the casually slutty phase. My dating app profile included the line, “I am dedicating 2018 to non-monogamous exploration.” I had my first one time hookups, met my first friend with benefits, and soon met my first long-term partner after… Read more
Born Again Minimalist 