Understanding and Living with a Loved One Who Has Mental Illness

drowning

Photo by nikko macaspac on Unsplash

Mental Health is a Critical Issue

Nearly half (46.4%) of the American population will experience a mental illness throughout their lifetime. And only 41% of those people are receiving care for their mental health needs. I’ve written before about the need for access to affordable therapy, and the sobering statistics on mental health in the Millennial generation was a huge reason I wrote my book.

Mental health is a critical issue in today’s world, which is why I was interested when I received a pitch for a guest post from a writer who lives with a neurotic husband and wanted to share her tips for living with a loved one who has mental illness. Her words are an important reminder to treat our loved ones with compassion, especially when they are fighting battles we can’t always see or understand.


People who have a mental illness may have difficulty dealing with daily stresses and may be in depressed moods. These types of individuals will usually feel a lot of guilt, anxiety, and anger at different times. Here are some ways to help you deal with a loved one going through mental illness. 

Identifying Mentally Ill Behavior

Symptoms will vary depending on the type of disorder the person has. The important thing to know with most mental illnesses is, the person is usually connected to reality. There may be signs of the following symptoms:

  • Constant anxiety
  • Sadness or depression
  • Anger in the face of stress
  • Low self-worth
  • Avoiding situations
  • Perfectionism
  • Negative attitude
  • Compulsive behavior

Whereas if they have a psychotic disorder, they may exhibit hallucinations or delusions.

How to Respond

The first thing to do is realize that many triggered mental health responses stem from fear. Anxiety can be a massive part of the life of a person with mental health challenges. They may believe that people will always leave them or that they must do things perfectly to stay safe. That means their behavior revolves around avoiding getting hurt.

As per Mike Hudson, a psychology writer at OXEssays and Paper Fellows, “this person might be cold or distant but in reality what they need is reassurance and a feeling of personal connection. It’s important to reassure the person that you’re fully committed.”

Give Them Time to Open Up

You’ll want to give this person the necessary time to open up to you. Whether they seem shy at first or fun and outgoing, they’re probably keeping all their thoughts to themselves. The reason they’re keeping things inside isn’t because they don’t trust you but because they have not opened up before, or they were not well-met when opening up in the past. For them to open up, stay with them and show that they can trust you. 

Be Patient

When living with someone who has a mental illness, it can take practice to be patient when learning how exactly your partner’s mental illness affects their communication and behavior, especially during conflict.  There is a lot going on inside their mind and sometimes it can be a struggle to maintain a mentally well state of mind while dealing with a conflict or stressful situation in your relationship. Getting to a place of acceptance that your partner’s mental health issue is part of them as a person will reward you both. 

Caitlin’s Note: Don’t be afraid to establish boundaries like pausing a conversation that feels too heated or stressful, or communicating via email to help collect your thoughts if in-person conversation is too stressful or leads to high anxiety symptoms. Remember: If a partner is abusive, mental illness is no excuse. Be sure to establish healthy boundaries to avoid codependency and see the next topic in this blog to make sure you are both supported in navigating life with mental illness. 

Encourage Your Partner to Seek Help

Encourage your partner to seek treatment. Someone who is has a mental illness will do really well with therapy to move past the negative beliefs they have about themselves, such as the idea that they are unlovable. Options include psychotherapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy, art or music therapy, medication, and even relaxation exercises or meditation. 

Be direct with your partner, if they aren’t taking their mental health management seriously. Share your valid concerns and your expectations that they manage their health. Offer what help you can, such as helping to make phone calls if they have phone anxiety, driving them to appointments if you can, etc.

You may also want to speak to a therapist yourself. It will give you a good place where you can vent about your frustrations and you can get advice on how to handle each situation specifically. Jeanette Peterson, a relationship blogger at Academic Writing Service and Assignment Help, says, “you should be patient with your loved one, and offer to go with them or share that you’re also seeing a therapist. It may make them feel better about going to therapy themselves and it’s not a solution for sick people but just a way to handle life’s challenges.”

Understand Diagnoses

Get more familiar with the diagnosis process. Diagnosing a mental illness means that you need a professional assessment from a mental health professional according to specific diagnostic criteria from the DSM. 

It’s not always easy to live with a loved one who is struggling with their mental health, but there’s no reason to go through it alone. It’s important to have open communication and to let them know that it’s okay to seek help. Be patient with your loved one but also with yourself, it’s a difficult process for everyone involved.


Beatrix Potter is married to a neurotic husband and they have lived happily together for over 4 years now. She enjoys helping people navigate difficulties with marriage and mental health. Bea writes for Assignment Writing Service and Professional Writing Service as well as creating writing programs for Essayroo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The 8 Different Types of Love

Whether you are attending a Galentine’s Day brunch, treating yourself to a night of self-care or spending the holiday with a special someone, Valentine’s Day is the perfect occasion for celebrating love. However, as many know, you don’t need romance to commemorate relationships and the love you have for someone. This February 14th, examine how you display love and how others display love towards you!

Just like a snowflake, every love is unique and there can be different traits and characteristics found in every type of love. Every relationship can have a different meaning to you, due to the different types of love associated with relationships.

For decades, humans have experienced up to eight different types of love. Sometimes you can even experience love with someone you don’t know!

The Greeks studied love and signified eight different types giving each a Greek name. Today, there are even intensifiers of love known as love catalysts that can enhance the love you feel within relationships.

What is a Love Catalyst?

A love catalyst is the part of yourself that enhances your experience with a type of love and can provoke certain feelings to arise. These feelings can lead to positive emotions like euphoria that can enhance your relationship with a romantic partner, friend or with yourself. For example, affectionate love is propelled by the mind and self-love is intensified by the soul. 

Say Hello to the 8 Different Types of Love

To help you gain familiarity with the eight types of love FTD has created eight love characters to represent the types of love found in every relationship. Find which love type you identify with by meeting each below!

Philia – Affectionate Love 

types-of-love-1-philia

Philia or “brotherly love” is love without romantic strings and usually occurs between friends or family. When individuals share the same values and respect for each other they display Philia. 

Love Catalyst: The Mind 

Your mind decides who you can trust based on feelings of respect and familiarity. 

 

Pragma – Enduring Love

types-of-love-2-pragma

 

Pragma is a mature love between a couple that has grown and matured for many years. Commitment and dedication are required to achieve Pragma and it is also known as everlasting love. 

Love Catalyst: Etheric (Subconscious)

The love catalyst for Pragma is the subconscious. You are driven towards each other unknowingly, but there is a sense of purpose in your unity.

 

Storge – Familiar Love 

types-of-love-3-storge

 

Storge is a natural love common between close friends and between parents and children as well. This love is built on deep emotional connection and acceptance of each other. This love comes easily and immediately in parent and child relationships.

Love Catalyst: Causal (Memories)

The love catalyst for Storge is memories. As you create more memories the value and emotional attachment to the relationship increases. 

 

Eros – Romantic Love 

types-of-love-4-eros

 

Eros is a passionate love that is displayed through physical affection. This love is a desire for another person’s body and touch. Common displays are through kissing, holding hands and hugging. 

Love Catalyst: Physical Body (Hormones)

Physical touch lights a fire in you and romantic actions create more admiration for your partner. 

Ludus – Playful Love 

types-of-love-5-ludus

Ludus is known as the “honeymoon stage” of relationships and consists of child-like play and teasing the one you are interested in. Although common in young couples, older couples who strive for this love find a more rewarding relationship.

Love Catalyst: Astral (Emotion)

Emotions inspire you to feel giddy and excited with your newer or newly interesting partner. 

 

Mania – Obsessive Love 

types-of-love-6-mania

 

Mania is an obsessive love with your partner and can lead to possessiveness and jealousy. Most cases of obsessiveness can lead to an imbalance in the relationship however a healthy dose of playfulness and romantic love can even out the relationship.

Love Catalyst: Survival instinct

Codependency can lead to a person feel desperate for their partner in order to find self-value. This lack of self-confidence can make a partner feel like they need the other to survive. 

 

Philautia – Self Love

types-of-love-7-philautia

 

Philautia is the practice of self-love and self-value. It also means you recognize your personal needs and are responsible for your well-being. 

Love Catalyst: Soul 

Your soul lets you understand your needs whether they are physical, emotional or mental. 

 

Agape – Selfless Love 

types-of-love-8-agape

 

Agape is the highest level of love a person can offer. Offering Agape is loving throughout any and all circumstances. Agape is not a physical act, it’s a feeling, but acts of self-love can elicit Agape since self-monitoring leads to results.

Love Catalyst: Spirit 

Your spirit motivates you to be kind and shows others kindness before yourself. 

Perfect Your Love Combo 

types-of-love-9-combination

Use the different love catalysts to help you fully immerse yourself in the best traits from each type of love. 

This Valentine’s Day, inspect some of your relationships to identify what kind of love you enjoy the most. Try some creative ideas to enhance love with your partner, relationships or with yourself!  

Check out the full infographic from FTD below. All images provided by Siege Media.

types-of-love-infographic

 

A breakup doesn’t mean you failed

broken heart string

When you’re deeply committed to someone, the end of that relationship can be devastating. Whether it’s a romantic relationship, friendship, or even removing a family member from your life — breaking up is hard. But it doesn’t mean you’ve failed at anything.

I reject the notion that a relationship that doesn’t last a lifetime is a failure.

Breaking up isn’t failure, it’s acknowledging that something isn’t working for one or more people. I used to believe I had two failed marriages, but really I had two examples of putting myself first and realizing that I wasn’t obligated to stay unhappy for the sake of other people.

People are constantly learning and growing and developing – especially people with mental health struggles. To be able to say, “I can’t be in this relationship because it’s hurting me” is a huge thing. It is something to be proud of. It is not a moral failure, even if there is pain involved. 

Here are some reasons I have had breakups:

  • I was deeply unhappy in the relationship and felt incompatible with my partner
  • I was demanding more respect and consideration than I was giving in return (yeah, this was the time somebody broke up with me — for very good reason)
  • An abusive third party convinced me my partner was toxic to me to isolate me
  • My partner was abusive
  • My partner had a meltdown every time I tried to express a boundary or concern
  • My partner could not support my recovery from an eating disorder and lost sexual interest in me when I gained weight
  • My partner said something negative and judgmental about people who aren’t ready to leave abusive relationships and broke my trust

Love isn’t all you need

Just loving someone does not mean you need to stay with that person. You can love an abuser. You can love your parents when they are unkind and manipulative toward you. You can love someone you’ve spent years with, even though you are no longer in love with them. And you can love someone and not trust them.

It’s important to build relationships on mutual respect, reciprocated intimacy and emotional labor, trust, and safety. You need to be able to talk about hurt feelings without worrying that the conversation will blow up. You need to be able to express your expectations of a relationship without feeling like you’re being “too much.”

If they tell you you’re “too much,” that’s simply not a person for you to be as close with. The answer is less of you in their life, not less of you in yourself.

I have some friends that are “a lot.” I love them so much, but I’m an introvert and their extrovert energy drains me. I still love these people, but I make sure to plan my time accordingly so that I’m not seeing five extrovert friends in the same week one day after another or attending two huge social events in a row. I will end that week miserable!

And I’m not shy about saying “I absolutely want to spend time with you but I am spent right now, can we plan something for next week?” Or even while spending time together, if I feel overwhelmed I know I can say, “I’m feeling really overstimulated, can we spend some time just hanging out on our phones or watching a movie so I can calm down?”

These people love me, yes — but they also respect me and my limits. I can’t give all of myself all of the time. Love is a wonderful, joyful part of life and it can definitely make life better, but it’s not “all you need.”

The point of life is not to find a partner to spend your life with

This is tough, right? The vast majority of media shows us people coupling as a major plot point and even resolution for a happily ever after. But this makes us believe that we need a partner to be fulfilled and nothing is further from the truth.

A partner can be part of a fulfilling life but is not the reason for your fulfillment.

I was describing some upcoming dates with a coworker recently and she said, “Oh, maybe this guy’s the one.” I said, “There is no ‘the one.'” It took the wind out of her sails, but I didn’t mean anything negative about believing there’s a “one” for you — just that there’s no “one” for me. Firstly, I’m polyamorous, so reserving a space for my most special partner is inherently not cool, and secondly, I’m twice divorced and I am well over the idea that another human is a necessary factor in my happiness.

I absolutely adore dating, relationships, and love. I love to love and be loved. It is a huge part of who I am as a person. But it’s not my one and only purpose.

Additionally, the idea that a lifelong romantic relationship is the number one priority leaves out asexual and aromantic people who really may not even care about a long-term love story. It also reduces the importance of friendships, which should hold just as much value in society as romantic relationships. Friendship is intimate and committed and passionate in ways similar and different from romantic relationships, but Western society places romance on a pedestal over an interwoven network of friends.

Why is there no term for breaking up with a friend?

Friendships are valid relationships just like romantic relationships are. Friends should be able to live together, raise their kids together, spend quality time together, without it being weird that they’re doing these things platonically. Our heteronormative monogamy culture makes it seem like we’re not whole until we’ve settled down in a one-man-one-woman long-term relationship with children.

And when a friendship ends, we should be able to grieve it like the loss of any other loving relationship. Breaking up with a friend sucks. But just like love isn’t all you need in a romantic relationship, it’s not all you need in a friend relationship either.

Here are some reasons that I, and friends of mine, have ended friendships:

  • A friend made a disrespectful (homophobic, transphobic, fatphobic, sexist, racist, ableist, etc.) comment and refused to apologize or be educated
  • A friend made judgmental comments about someone’s weight and activity level
  • A friend was a bad tipper
  • A friend was named as an abuser
  • A friend repeatedly tried to sell MLM products after being told no
  • A friend voted for Donald Trump
  • A friend just generally gave off an uncomfortable or unsafe vibe
  • A friend made excuses for someone’s racist “sense of humor”
  • A friend became an emotional vampire and refused to grow, go to therapy, or otherwise deal with their issues
  • A friend constantly one-upped and pointed out how they did everything better
  • A friend was dismissive about a health condition or disability

You get to have boundaries and limits, and no one is entitled to your time except the people you decide to share your time with. You have a reasonable expectations that your friends are respectful (of you and other people), and it is okay to distance yourself or end a friendship if your boundaries are violated.

Regardless of the nature of the relationship, you reserve the right to change or end it to protect yourself. Ending a relationship is not a failure.

Read more from me!

If you enjoyed this post , you’ll be thrilled to know there’s a whole chapter on relationships, including info on polyamory and relationship anarchy, in my book, The Gaslighting of the Millennial Generation. Millennials didn’t invent these relationship types but we are fairly noisy about normalizing them. I’d love for you to let me know what you think of the book, so please give it a read and leave a five star review on Amazon. If you’re morally opposed to Amazon, I have some other links here.

You can also follow me on Medium and clap for this story to support me for the low low cost of your Medium membership.

I’ve also just set up a Patreon page which will get sneak peeks of upcoming topics, an opportunity for you to suggest topics, and additional Patron-only bonus content. Check it out, Patron levels start at just $1 per month to help support my writing.

 

 

There’s no timeline on healing or love

time

When I turned 25, I made a five year plan. Become debt free and a mother by 30, in April 2018.

I am now 31 and neither of those things happened.

In fact, as 30 approached, I was facing a lot of other huge life circumstances. In August 2016 I got married and immediately started trying to conceive a much wanted baby. In January 2017 I stopped speaking to my mother, until February 2018 when I unwittingly made contact with her through my stepdad’s phone. She tersely let me know he had cancer, and through speaking with my siblings I came to understand that she had deliberately kept the news from me to punish me for cutting her out of my life. (I wrote about this experience here).

Within a ten day span in March 2018, I left an abusive marriage, packed everything I owned and moved into a new apartment, endured transatlantic cyber bullying at the hands of my husband, and watched my stepfather die of lung cancer. Oh, and accepted a book deal.

Life did not give one iota of a shit about my five year plan. I still have student loans and I never did get pregnant (thank goodness).

The timeline of healing

After I left my abuser, I committed to only casual relationships on a non-monogamous basis for at least a year. And then I fell in love. And I fought it. I didn’t want to be in love, I wanted time to be single and to heal.

My sister gave me some sage advice: There’s no timeline on healing or love. You’re allowed to fall in love whenever you fall in love.

I decided I could work on healing from my abusive upbringing and marriage at the same time I was enjoying a relationship. I continued going to therapy and reading books that helped me process my trauma, and I had fewer panic attacks and C-PTSD episodes as time went on. I was healing.

And then our relationship imploded, as did another year-long relationship of mine, and I found myself newly single again.

But I noticed something important. While it had taken me years to realize my marriage was harmful, it took me only months with my boyfriend and mere weeks with my girlfriend. Of course, looking back, I can see that there were signs of the unhealthy patterns long before I realized them, but it was proof of my healing. I was doing the work. I wasn’t putting up with unhealthy behavior once I realized it was happening.

The timeline of love

Letting myself feel my feelings and fall in love was important. Fresh out of an abusive marriage, I really needed to feel loved again. I am a big fan of taking time to be single and focus on self-love, but I’m also not upset that I spent my first year away from my ex feeling loved and supported by two partners.

When those relationships ended, I was much more able to take time to be single. Seeing that I had fallen into similar behaviors (serving as one partner’s sole emotional support to my own detriment, allowing the other to continually violate my boundaries and forgiving them because each time seemed individually like an honest mistake) as I had in my marriage, because on some level I was still scared of being seen as too hard to love, was something I needed to realize. And now that I’ve had those experiences, I have realized them.

This has given me new targets for therapy.

Your responsibilities in a relationship

Some fundamental truths I’ve stumbled upon in therapy include the following:

  • I am not responsible for making my thoughts and emotions comfortable for other people. How many of us do this? We feel hurt or upset but keep our pain internalized until we’ve either ignored it or whittled it into something tiny and non-offensive that we can bring up to our partners apologetically and hope to stand up for ourselves about it. The trouble is, when we’ve been taught over and over again that our hurt feelings aren’t valid, we just start invalidating them ourselves. “I won’t talk about this with him, I’m probably just overreacting.” No, we’re not doing that anymore. If you feel hurt, tell your partner. The discomfort of this conversation is important: if the discomfort gives way to healing and repair, then that’s a sign of a healthy relationship. If it gives way to invalidating blame, then that’s a sign you aren’t with someone who values you and wants to treat you well.
  • Managing my partners’ behavior is not a normal part of a healthy relationship. I’ve always been the PR spinner in my relationships. With my abusive ex, I would post cute stories about our conversations on Facebook and my friends fawned over how sweet we were. “Get a man who makes coffee in the morning and does the dishes!” I’d say, to a chorus of “He should teach a class on being a husband!” and “Can I borrow him so he can teach mine??” But the man only had three regular chores and didn’t do any of them completely. If I wanted to continue getting coffee in the morning and have him washing dishes at 50% competency, I had to put on the happy face and brag about him in a public way so he rewarded me instead of punishing me. I also had a habit of staying mentally two steps ahead of partners’ behavior to make sure they didn’t do something problematic. I also did this with my parents: I’d have to watch to make sure dad didn’t harass a waitress with a sexist comment or keep an eye on mom’s mood to warn my sister to behave. I have always had to stay aware of everyone around me to reduce the risk of danger/abuse. Turns out this is not a normal part of a relationship.
  • I give my love away freely so people never feel like they have to earn it. Realizing this was hard. I have always felt like I had to behave properly in order to receive love – I had to earn it. If I was a bad kid, I didn’t get love. If I was a bad wife, I didn’t get love. Subsequently, I wanted to make sure no one ever felt like that’s what I was doing to them. I didn’t want to paywall my affections and make someone earn them… so I had no boundaries because I always wanted people to have access to my love. This is unsustainable. Love is unconditional, but access is not, and sometimes I have to say no to something or someone in order to take care of myself and avoid burning out. Boundaries are a form of love too.
  • I am not responsible for making other people love me and treat me with value; that is their job. Seriously. If you are in a relationship with me, I shouldn’t have to convince you I’m worth loving, appreciating, or being with. Having to perform at this level with so many partners has been exhausting, and I don’t do it anymore. If you don’t want to be with me, stop being with me. I should not have to earn your time and attention.

Single part two

As I mentioned, after these two breakups I’ve been spending time being single and casually dating, but I’m not in any serious relationships. I still consider myself single. But I’m also feeling like I may be ready to start dating a little more seriously soon. My plan is to stay single until the new year, but we all know that life laughs at my plans. And if I end up feeling ready before then, that’s okay too. Because I decide when I’m ready, and it doesn’t mean I can’t dial things back if I find I still need single time later.

The same is true for you. You can’t heal on a timeline and you can’t control when something happens off your plan. But you can choose to lean into your vulnerability and your love and let something wonderful happen. (And you can also choose to pull back and say no, I’m actually not ready yet. It is up to you!)

Read more from me

If you dig my brand of encouragement, you might like my Patreon page, where supporters receive a weekly pep talk post! You can sign up at varying levels for different content access, starting at just $1 per month.

You can also support my work by purchasing my book, The Gaslighting of the Millennial Generation. I’d love for you to let me know what you think of the book, so please give it a read and leave a review on Amazon. If you’re morally opposed to Amazon, I have some other links here.

 

 

How to ask for the love you need

 

worthy

I recently did something that I thought would be silly, or selfish, or outlandish.

I wrote a manual on how to love me.

It gives the basics about me and my background, includes a list of my favorite things, discusses how to best communicate with me, describes how I interact within each of the five love languages, and has links to blog posts and book recommendations to help understand my trauma and triggers. It even has tips on how to help me through a panic attack.

I posted about it on my personal Facebook page and I expected some laughs and comments about how I was being super type-A.

But the response was nothing short of love and encouragement.

It’s okay to ask for love

It’s okay to ask for love in the ways you need it. It’s okay to say, “Hey could you love me this way instead?”

For me, one of the worst things is to ignore me or make me do all the work of initiating conversation or contact. Feeling like I have to chase affection is deeply painful. I am still learning that love is abundant and available, that I don’t have to earn it, and that I certainly don’t have to beg for it.

An unexpected message from a loved one can light up my whole day, reassure me that they are thinking of me, and show me that they care.

When I shared my manual about how to love me, people thanked me.

The next day, I posted a status to “love me louder,” and I got some people sending gifs and hugs… but I also noticed several friends leaving comments about how great a friend I am, how they’ve been inspired by me, how proud they are of my writing and my work. And that small shift in the way I asked for love felt really good.

It can be scary to ask for love

When I was in sixth grade, I was living with my dad after my parents divorced. I told him “I love you” multiple times a day. It was an easy way to check in, to receive that “I love you too” back. I was trying to ask for love. And one day his response was not, “I love you too.”

It was “You say that a lot. Seems like you might be trying to convince yourself.”

It has never really felt safe to ask since then.

It’s been twenty years since I felt safe asking for love.

When I check in with someone to ask for something they aren’t giving me automatically, my heart pounds. Tears prick my eyes. My whole body feels hot. I want to be anywhere but vulnerably in front of them showing the truth of what I need. Risking myself like that is physically painful.

I learned as a child that love can be faked.

Every time I ask someone to change the way they love me, it feels like I’m being ungrateful and selfish. Like I should change the way I need to feel loved rather than ask them to speak my native tongue.

It feels like I am flinging myself off a cliff and hoping they might catch me.

Sometimes it feels easier to sit around wondering why someone doesn’t love me than to say what I need to feel loved. Vulnerability is scary, but it’s where we get our needs met. It’s where we find resolve in our worth and value.

It’s where we remember who the fuck we are.

Vulnerability at work can look like asking for a raise or promotion. You’re risking a no. If your boss says no, you might feel unimportant or not valued. If your boss reassures you that you’re doing great and puts together a six month plan for you to be in a place where they can offer that raise when they have the next budget meeting — that’s a reward for your vulnerability, even though it initially feels like rejection.

Vulnerability with a partner can look like saying, “I feel like I’m chasing you down for affection and I want to hear from you more during the day.” This feels scary, because they could say no. They could say that’s not how they operate their love languages and they aren’t willing to learn yours. They could say this feels like a lot of work.

Or they could say, “I’m sorry that I’ve been loving you in a way you weren’t receiving, and I will remember that you need loved this way. It is safe to remind me, and please do until I make it a habit.”

Being told I’m hard work is one of my top triggers. It’s something that has been said by a parent and by a partner, and its message is clear: My love for you is conditional on how easy you make my life.

Relationships take work, but people are not hard work

It’s rare for two people to connect in a way that is 100% flawless all of the time. But if you are important to each other and there is mutual trust, respect, and caring, asking for what you need is a blessing. It’s a road map and a manual. It’s cheat codes to making sure you feel loved.

Interpersonal communication takes practice, and this can feel like a tough job.

But if people didn’t want to do the work of learning how to best love me, they wouldn’t be out here loving me.

Tell your partner your love languages and be specific

Your partner can reference your top love languages for a reminder that you really get a boost from a love note in the middle of the day or them offering to pick up dinner on the way home so you don’t have to. Maybe they buy you an awesome gift because you feel loved when you receive a thoughtful present.

Whatever your love language, it is okay to communicate it to your friends, family, and partners. In fact, it should be a regular part of interpersonal relationships.

Not sure what your love language is? Take the quiz here to find out and learn about all five languages, which are:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Acts of Service
  • Physical Touch
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts

The hidden benefit of telling people how to love you

When you tell people how to love you, and especially when you tell people what makes you feel downright unloved or unappreciated, you have a measuring stick for people’s respect for you.

Once you’ve told someone several times what you need to feel loved and they repeatedly ignore it, it can help you see who doesn’t belong so close to you. You deserve an inner circle of people willing and eager to speak your language.

It doesn’t make people inherently toxic or bad for you if they don’t speak your language, but it is okay to place distance between yourself and them.

Normalize love

Normalize talking about love languages.

Normalize telling friends you love them.

Normalize asking for what you need, without apology.

Read more from me!

If you dig my brand of encouragement, you might like my Patreon page, where supporters receive a weekly pep talk post! You can sign up at varying levels for different content access, starting at just $1 per month.

You can also support my work by purchasing my book, The Gaslighting of the Millennial Generation. I’d love for you to let me know what you think of the book, so please give it a read and leave a five star review on Amazon. If you’re morally opposed to Amazon, I have some other links here.